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Accountability

"Who the fuck taught you how to persevere?
There ain't no situation that you ever had to respond to that's adverse
The messiest thing you've ever gone through was your purse" - Eminem, Phenomenal

In the time since my separation from active duty, then from the reserves, I have had some difficulty transitioning to life in the civilian world. I have floated between jobs, gone in and out of school, tried to be in relationships, searched for some type of comfort and familiarity... mostly it's been an exhausting experience. Until recently, it hasn't seemed like it would improve long-term, if at all.
Many veterans that I've talked to, who are done with their military service, have also experienced hard times in their transition process. Some of these veterans feel like they're in the worst possible place anyone could ever imagine and they've convinced themselves that it cannot get better.

When we get out, we lose a bit of the accountability that we had on active duty. On active duty, we worked with and often lived with the guys in our platoon. All day (and night) we were around each other and continuously providing feedback to one another. Sometimes it was positive, constructive feedback. Other times it was negative, harassing, bullshit that we would spit back and forth to rile each other up. Either way, we were always playing off each other and adjusting our actions (behavior) to accommodate the feedback. One of the biggest things about separating is that we lose that continuous feedback from our peers and leaders. We are free to make our own decisions and when making our own decisions, often times we don't see all options or the better option. We unintentionally develop this system of making decisions or telling ourselves something and then convincing ourselves that it's true. We justify what we think, whether it's accurate or not. This can begin a downward spiral, if no feedback is ever provided. This process can and does lead to some dark places for veterans, even the guys with the best intentions. We're suddenly like a fish without the school to support us, or an athlete with no team. We lack the feedback needed to "stay between the yellow lines."

There are a handful of lesson that I've learned from being down this road:
1) Stay in contact with guys from active duty. Text, email, phone call, facebook, letters, in person.
2) Find someone outside that you can trust and talk to. Family, other veterans, friends with military families.
3) DO NOT isolate. It's fine to take some time to focus on yourself. It's not fine to shut everyone out and to be destructive.
4) It's okay to fuck up, it is not okay to be a fuck up. Allow yourself to make some wrong decisions, say the wrong thing, or act the wrong way, but learn from that and try not to repeat it again.
5) Start small. Do not over-reach or set yourself up for failure, just to go back to your old ways. That first step needs to be small so that over time your can take bigger steps forward. Remember: even crawling is forward movement.
6) We were taught/conditioned/built to handle what others won't and can't. Use that to endure. There will always be shitty times, but we have been given tools to ride those out. We are responsible to look for the silver linings and enjoy them.
7) Remember the shitty days when we were in training or deployed, hoping and praying for the problems we have today instead.



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